The real reason Xi’s skipping G20

Much is being mashed in the mixie to explain Xi Jinping‘s absence at this weekend’s G20 summit. The favourite theory is he’s snubbing India, followed by he’s skipping gatherings seen to be US-leaning, AA meetings included. But we found a transcript – yet to be verified, but what the heck – from a ‘chance meeting’ between Xi and Narendra Modi last month at the ‘sidelines’ of the BRICS summit in Johannesburg. It may provide the sahi jawaab.

[Xi and Modi find themselves inside an elevator at the BRICS summit venue. Awkward.]

Modi: Nee hao.

Xi: Namaste.

Modi: So, catch you in Delhi next month, Xi-ji?

Xi [stomach rumbles]: Hmm. See, that’s the thing. My IBS has acted up again since I visited Wuhan last week.Modi: ‘IBS’ as in some sort of Chinese insolvency mechanism?Xi: No, irritable bowel syndrome. So, I’ll have to send someone else to G20. Sorry.

Modi: Arey, no problem. Do me a favour?

Xi: Anything.

Modi: Send that… kya naam hai, bhai? [looks around to confirm with MEA official]… Li Qiang.

Xi [raises an eyebrow]: Premier Li Qiang? Part of my ‘New Zhijiang Army’?

Modi: That’s him. Send him over instead. I like him!

Xi: Um, you sure? He’s not diplomatically grade-A.

Modi [laughs]: Oh, don’t be so sure.

Xi: Then you’ll keep my IBS under wraps?

Modi: It’s a deal.

Xi: Thank you!

[Elevator pings, doors open, and they go their separate ways.]