That feeling of guilt – The Economic Times

Bibhutibhushan Bandyopadhyay, in his classic novel ‘Aparajito‘, sequel to ‘Pather Panchali‘, looks deep into the soul of Apu, a young man, and describes his reaction to his mother’s death. An only child, he has come to Kolkata to study, leaving behind a wretchedly poor, ailing mother in their village. Apu somehow ekes out a living and knows that his mother’s end is near.

When a neighbour’s wire telling of his mother’s death reaches him, his immediate, spontaneous reaction is joy – a relief from bondage. The next moment he is gripped with remorse. How could he be so callous, so heartless? His mother, who had given her all for him, and who had sought nothing in return? But he could not deny what he had felt was true. Relief is a part of grieving. Especially if it comes at the end of ‘acceptance’, Elisabeth Kubler-Ross‘s five stages of dying. At this stage, both cared-for as well as the care-giver are prepared for death.

Apu’s mother has helplessly resigned herself to her fate, leaving behind a son, who she prays will thrive one day. The son is in anguish at the helplessness of his abject poverty. His relief is a liberation. Finally, grief overcomes him as he leaves his village abode for the last time. Did he really want this freedom? he seeks an answer from himself.

There is only deep cleansing, no guilt at the end.