RIP Pakistani Cricket, you shan’t be missed!

Welcome, folks! Let’s take a solitary minute to just shut up and think about the day that made Pakistani cricket fans go “Why me?” So, picture this: It’s October 23, 2023, a plain old Monday, when the cricket stars aligned in the strangest way possible.

So, what happened, you ask? Well, prepare yourself for a shocker. Ibrahim Zadran and Hasmatullah Shahidi, with their cricket wizardry, pulled off a heist! Yes, you read it right, Afghanistan just slapped Pakistan with an eight-wicket victory.

But hey, before we dive into the bizarre tale of that day, let’s take a sec to remember the Pakistani cricket legends. Those chucking masters, those sledging artists, and the majestic force of nature that was Team Pakistan. I mean, they used to be numero uno in ICC rankings. Earth, and I bet even the uncharted galaxies out there, used to look up to them. Let’s have a minute of silence in the memory of Pakistani Cricket..

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Okay, enough of overacting for the day, let’s know how Pakistan has turned from a nightmare for many cricketers into a walking talking meme, with excuses emerging at the drop of a hat!

Was Pakistani cricket really that strong?

Ah, rewind the clock a bit, and you’d find Pakistan basking in the glory of being the numero uno in the cricket world. Or so the papers and records claim. Now, whether that was just an illusion or a distant dream, who knows?

Those lucky kids from the 70s and 80s, they’ll tell you tales of Imran Khan, Javed Miandad, Waqar Younis, and Wasim Akram. They used to give nightmares to other teams. But hold on, we’re not in the ’80s anymore, Toto.

Do we remember the time when folks back home raved about Babar Azam, Shaheen Afridi, Haris Rauf, and the new squad? It’s as if we were convincing ourselves that Pakistan was still the big bad wolf in the cricketing woods.

But now, when you see them play, you can’t help but wonder: Were they ever that good, or have they become just as clumsy as they look today? It’s like they’ve learned to handle their own buffoonery.

Then, out of the blue, Afghanistan comes along and takes Pakistan for a joyride. Afghanistan, mind you, not exactly the cricket experts in the international arena. But watching Pakistan that day, you’d think Ricky Ponting’s Australia was having a fun exhibition match with Scotland. Pakistan had lowered the bar so much that it practically touched the ground.

And no, this isn’t a one-time fluke. Just a couple of months back, a different Afghan squad pummeled Pakistan for a measly 115 runs at the Hangzhou Asian Games. They went on to win the semifinals by 4 wickets, losing to India on a net run rate in the finals and settling for a silver medal, thanks to a washout. Not to mention how they bamboozled the defending champs, England, by a whopping 69 runs in this very World Cup. That’s not how amateurs do a job!

“Grapes are sour” gets a whole new definition!

You know, a wise soul once dropped this truth bomb online, “India-Pakistan cricket matches have been the most over-celebrated underwhelming cricket matches in the recent past.” And boy, do I get it now!

India Pakistan cricket matches have been the most over-celebrated underwhelming cricket matches in the recent past.

— Atul Mishra (@TheAtulMishra) October 14, 2023

It’s been nearly two weeks since India handed Pakistan a sound thrashing, and yet, Pakistan’s blame game is in full swing. They’re pointing fingers at everything under the sun, except their own team’s performance. They even marched up to the ICC, complaining about the Indian crowd in Ahmedabad, who, shocker, were just a bit too loud in cheering for their own team. Imagine that, folks, cheering for your own team at a cricket match!

But let’s not be too harsh on them. After all, their cricketers and support staff have been crafting some of the most creative excuses to cover up their shoddy sportsmanship. Take, for instance, Imam ul Haq’s dietary disaster excuse. He claimed Pakistan struggled in Indian conditions because they weren’t getting enough carbs and had to survive on extra protein. Yeah, you read that right. He actually said it!

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According to Imam, “Maybe we want to eat more proteins and not that much carbs, but it is just that there is nothing we want to talk about. It is just we really do not feel it if we are not hitting six or not four, it is just that what are we doing for the team.” So, was that why he got out after scoring a whopping 17 runs? Who knows? Anything’s possible in the world of cricket, right?

But hold on, Imam’s not the star of this ridiculous show, nor is that part time cleric Mohammad Rizwan, who continues to be mercilessly trolled for dedicating his past wins to some rather unsavory characters causing chaos among the Israelites. Now, that’s one way to win hearts and minds, isn’t it?

The real showstopper is their coach, Mickey Arthur, who’s become the laughingstock of the cricketing world. He went on a wild rant, claiming that this isn’t even an ICC event. Well, he did have a point there, until he dropped this gem: “They [BCCI] weren’t playing songs like Dil Dil Pakistan, which is why our boys were demoralized!”

I mean, seriously? My respect for the likes of Michael Vaughan has shot through the roof. At least they didn’t resort to such tomfoolery. In fact, Michael himself took potshots at Mickey for this bizarre excuse, maintaining that in the end, it is the players, who make it or break it!
So maybe Pakistan has always been the whining kid from day one, and it’s just that our teams have evolved and grown up. Or maybe, we’re just whining and they were always this clumsy?