How To Spend New Year’s Eve With The Covid-19 Coronavirus Pandemic

Thinking of gathering with a couple hundred people to celebrate New Year’s Eve and singing “Auld Lang Syne” at the top of your lungs together to usher in 2021? Well, here’s what you should do right now. Walk into your bathroom. Look at your face in the mirror. Raise your right hand. And then slap yourself in the face.

Do this repeatedly until you realize that the Covid-19 coronavirus pandemic is still going on right now. The pandemic has already claimed over 340,000 lives in the U.S. The number of cases per day has been increasing since October with over 1.2 million new cases in this country in the last seven days alone. Oh, and many hospitals are getting overwhelmed with Covid-19 cases. Of course, don’t slap yourself so hard that you end up hurting yourself. The phrase, “knock yourself out” is a figurative one, not a literal one.

Yes, tonight ain’t going to be your typical end of the calendar year. New York City’s Times Square will be closed to the public. The ball will drop. But this year, it won’t be good to have crowd of people around a ball while it is dropping.

The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) website says: “The safest way to celebrate the new year is to celebrate at home with the people who live with you or virtually with friends and family. Staying home is the best way to protect yourself and others.” And if you are thinking of traveling tonight, don’t. There won’t be enough time to quarantine for 14 days before New Year’s Eve unless you have a time machine. The CDC website explains that “Travel and gatherings with family and friends who do not live with you can increase your chances of getting and spreading COVID-19 or the flu.”

You can still celebrate. You can still put on that crown or tiara on your head and sing, “It’s tiara-in’ up my heart, when I’m with you,” with you best N*SYNC moves. But do such things in comfort of your own home in front of those who are already in your social bubble. Or do it on a Zoom gathering. Just make sure that you are not on mute.

Yes, the year 2020 may have seemed like a piece of cake, meaning a piece of a urinal cake or uranium cake rather than of German chocolate cake or Jamaican Rum Cake. Yes, you are probably anxious to drown your frustrations in some revelry. But catching and spreading the Covid-19 coronavirus ain’t a good way to ring in the New Year.

If you absolutely must attend or hold a gathering of people who are outside your social bubble, try to take all the precautions that you can. Wear a face mask. Not one of those Eyes Wide Shut face masks but one that covers both your mouth and nose. Bring some spare face masks too. Your face covering could get wet, ripped, or contaminated. For example, don’t wear a face mask that you vomited in.

Wearing a face mask doesn’t mean that you can forego social distancing. Stay at least six feet or one Denzel (because Denzel Washington is about six feet tall) apart from everyone else at all times. If someone tries to come within six feet of you, remind them of social distancing and back away. If they still do not respect your boundaries, start muttering the same phrase over and over again out loud like “it puts the lotion in the basket. It puts the lotion in the basket.”

Try to stay outdoors where the ventilation is better, unless, of course, it is too cold outside. Note that icicles forming on your nose means that it is too cold. Avoid poorly ventilated areas in general. Farts tend to linger there, and so might viruses, not that farts will transmit viruses.

Wash your hands frequently and thoroughly. Lather your hands with soap for at least 20 seconds. Singing to the beginning of the first chorus of the Village People’s song YMCA will get you past the 30 second mark. Don’t form letters above your head while you still have soap on them because fling soap on other people is not cool. Soap and water are better, but if your only option is hand sanitizer, make sure that it has at least 60% alcohol so that it can kills viruses. And for Pete’s sake, don’t drink hand sanitizer.

Avoid touching your face or mask. Yes, thinking about not touching your face can make you want to touch your face even more. So, if you don’t want to put a cone around your head or wear boxing gloves, try to keep you hands occupied. One possibility is doing jazz hands constantly. This will have the dual effect of keeping everyone more than six feet away from you.

If you are feeling sick or tested positive for Covid-19, don’t even think about leaving your home. You don’t want to be known as that “superspreader.” Remember, ultimately New Year’s Eve is just one night. New Year’s Day is just one day. As the TV series How I Met Your Mother demonstrated, trying to find the perfect New Year’s Eve party night may not be worth it. You may end up with someone who is not Moby brandishing a gun or worse a virus that is brandishing some spikes.