How To Reclaim What Matters Before It’s Lost

Ironically, as someone who writes, speaks, and consults about focus and attention, I used to advise people to “hit the pause button.” And now, here we are, in a pandemic that has shut down much of the world and isolated most of us at home.

Though this pause is involuntary, I am inviting us to use it intentionally. Let’s try to remember many of the underpinnings of life that we almost wiped out: intentional rest, creative thinking, and the freedom to fail.

And consider what replaced them: skipping breakfast, sprinting from one pointless meeting to another, and tethering ourselves to electronic devices with such an allegiance that we derailed our sense of balance, perspective, and often, purpose.

During this Big Pause, for the sake of the bigger, truer, and better picture, I’m encouraging all of us to reclaim what we lost in the rapid-fire of this past decade: a focus on who and what matters most.

FIRST, REST

What happens to us mentally and emotionally when we’re constantly connected to our work and “always accessible” to our colleagues and clients? We develop the habit of never unplugging.

Imagine, for a moment, that you plugged in a fan, and you never turned it off. Probably, it would run for a year or two. Maybe it could go as long as five years. But we all know that after some time, it won’t run as quietly as originally designed. It will start to agitate and jitter as it spins a bit out of balance. And its eventual failure is 100% predictable. On the other hand, if we are responsible about turning it off when it’s not genuinely needed, we can be confident that it will work again whenever the temperature rises.

You see where I’m headed with this. It’s our duty to turn off all the busy noises in our heads and shut out all the external distractions — to unplug — and to intentionally restore ourselves, every day. That means making time for things such as:

• Intentional rest, especially sleep, including a full seven to nine hours each night, plus weekend naps in a hammock, on the patio chaise, or on the couch. Your body needs the rest, but of all of its parts, your brain needs it most.
• Intentional time with our loved ones, including quiet talk, sustained eye contact, deliberate acts of kindness, holding hands, and the whole range of intimacies that unfold to add layers of depth to your relationship when electronics are banished to another room.
• Intentional unplanned time to daydream in whatever direction your mind needs to go. This isn’t “wandering” because it’s purposeful. Daydreaming is how your brain aligns itself toward the future with speculative thinking, solves problems with creative connections, recycles its attention phases to help you juggle multiple simultaneous goals, absorbs learning, and relieves boredom. These are anything but a waste of time.

NEXT, FOCUS ON WHAT MATTERS

Knowing what matters most is the single most crucial element to living a life of meaning. And often, what matters is really who matters.

Recently, I shared a tweet from Molly McNerney (@molleymcnearney) that I’ll “retweet” here:

“The year is 2036. I’m in an eerily quiet house. Both kids are grown and have moved out. I’d do anything to be quarantined with my 5 and 2 year old and the sounds of their tiny feet running all over the house. (This is how I started my day. Hope it helps another tired mom.)”

As a father of three, I needed this reminder, too. Each day now, I’m looking squarely at the “who.” They are the reason my focus matters in the long run.

Your “who” may be sharing your home with you now or living thousands of miles away. Wherever they are, if they matter to your life and your happiness, keep them in your primary focus.

Understand your “why,” and carve it into a virtual personal Rosetta stone. You’re giving your life over to something, so for your mental health and stamina, it’s essential that you have defined for yourself why it matters. This isn’t necessarily easy for everyone, so during this Big Pause, carve out time to consider it.

Then, leaders, when you connect with your team again, I encourage you to practice an exercise with them where each person shares the answers to these questions:

• Why do I matter (to this team and mission)?
• Why does this (the work we’re doing) matter?
• Why do they (our clients) matter?

You may have to help them peel away the camouflage of jargon to respond authentically to this course of inquiry. Remember to make room for other teammates to share their insights whenever a member of the team is struggling to find that meaning.

Believe in your “where.” If your career and home and all the rest are pointed toward a goal or a destination, make sure that ultimate endpoint resonates with you and those about whom you care. Otherwise, you risk being drawn off-course and ending up where you never intended to be.

Once you feel sure your “where” is right for you, bring as much discipline to the cause as you can. Here’s an example of what discipline can do. One of our key leaders at Focuswise, Paul, lost 135 pounds over a year-and-a-half on his own initiative. Yes, it involved changes in eating and lifestyle, but the core of his result was driven by an insight he carries with him even today: “Discipline is knowing what you want most versus what you want now.”

I can’t think of a better description, or a brighter or more intentional north star by which to navigate to your where.

Try. Then try again. As you re-engage with your workplace, I encourage you to move your daily focus away from your inbox and instead to your priorities. And when considering those priorities, allow yourself a zone without interruption in which to be curious, exploratory, and reflective. (If that doesn’t “feel like working” to you, try redefining work as results rather than reactions. After all, no one will remember you for spending three feverish hours a day keeping up with swarms of emails; but everyone will remember that you accomplished all of your goals.)

Once you’ve determined some options for tackling your priorities, test a few creative approaches that can accelerate, elevate, or improve the outcome. As you’re doing this, realize that not every idea will work perfectly, and give yourself room to fail, because no one can innovate optimally without first eliminating what fails. That’s why failure is not something to avoid, but something to safeguard and to grant permission on your way to finding the ideal solution. Trial and error, not duplication, reveals the path to progress.

Embrace being human again. Speaking of failure, I’m also guessing that, like me, you’ve felt the guilt of “not doing enough” during this season. Social media posts are full of those who feel like they must be “pandemic superheroes” — produce a spotless home, create amazing meals, expertly educate the kids, get in the best shape of their lives, and write a best-seller — all while killing it at their work.

Thank smart devices for that dynamic. In a world of unlimited access, we feel pressure to be always-available, always-working, and always-on, performing on-demand at 100% for the boss, our customers, and even those in our personal lives.

We are supremely uncomfortable being lax, getting caught in our pajamas, or making that sip of wine our highest priority. We’ve lost the ability to make mistakes, and the permission to not arrive yet.

We’ve forfeited the freedom to feel okay with the inconvenience of “messing up” now and then as the price of growing and learning, when growing and learning are gateways to the richness of humanity.

Instead, we live in fear that we’re going to be “cancelled” if we don’t deliver at all times, in all scenarios, at best quality. This fear is likely rooted in our insecurity as we watch parts of our culture being replaced with machines, especially at work.

Well, guess what? Humans make terrible machines. But that’s okay, because machines make terrible humans. We need to replace fear with balance.

In this moment, and moving ahead, perhaps we can feel resolved that our humanity is a good thing. And we can remember, as my friend (and US Olympic gold gymnast), Carly Patterson, said recently in an interview, “You don’t win a medal for Best Quarantine.”

FINALLY, PLAN

Restless as you may be to return to “normal,” avoid the temptation to rush back into the rapid-fire landscape that preceded this pause without first identifying what is most important to you. It’s vital to do this now, while you have the opportunity to reflect thoughtfully. Then plan how you can carry what matters most into your future. Do that by posing a series of questions.

• Once business revs up again, how will you establish a sacred or private time for yourself and your family during which they get all of your attention, rather than the fractured, partial, imperfect attention they once had when your phone was always in your pocket, in your hand, or on the table beside you?
• Once office-generated stress reimposes itself on your life, how will you find room to nap in a hammock, daydream beneath the clouds, and sleep peacefully throughout the night — every night?
• How will you steel yourself to say no to what isn’t your priority?
• How will you protect what matters most from the interruptions and distractions that threaten to derail it?
• What mantra can you give yourself that reminds you, every day, why you do what you do? And can you extend that mantra to keep your destination, your “where,” front and center in your thoughts for all the time it may take to reach it?

And ultimately, focus on these very important decisions you’ve made. Apply a discipline that works for you, as my friend Paul did. Reach for a vision that can sustain you, as Molly shared. Embrace that not every day encompasses perfection but still includes what is good and human, as Carly reminded us all. Push back using focus and intention to preserve your priorities rather than losing your days and your values to the chaos of a rapid-fire work environment.

Conclusion

This Big Pause is a gift, an opportunity to start a new normal. Out of the tragedy of this pandemic, possibly we can find the courage to form a deeper connection with what and who matters most to each of us. Perhaps this time will help us to rediscover the profound power of our own intentions, and the inner strength to protect and reinforce them. And maybe, when we are “back in business” again, we can focus on ways to bring more of our humanity and resiliency to work with us.