Those were the days when I was doing multiple shifts, when this sage looking man with a benign smile dropped in on one of my sets and offered me Kalyug (1981) which Shashi (Kapoor) uncle was producing. He said, you have come such a long way and smiled at me and I was wondering why is this man being so familiar. That’s when Shashi ji, who I called ‘babua’ said, “You duffer don’t you remember? Years ago, he was the first one to direct you for an ad film”. That’s when I realised he had shot with me for a Gold Spot commercial when I must have been around 14-15, somewhere near Parmeshwar Godrej’s bungalow in Juhu. They were few shots of me on the beach as well. This was when I was shooting for Saawan Bhadon (1970). All I remember of the shoot was that I had chipped nails. I use to bite my nails often. If my memory serves me right that’s the only ad I did in my life until the Snickers ad directed by Imtiaz Ali more than forty years later.
See Also: PM Narendra Modi & President Droupadi Murmu Pay Tribute to Shyam Benegal
We shot Kalyug in a single 15-day schedule on Altamount Road in a colonial bungalow with arches, pathways, lush green lawns and wonderful foliage. I don’t remember being instructed or told much by Shyam babu. I was given the lines and I just acted. For that matter, be it any director — Yash Chopra or Manmohan Desai or Hrishi da they never told me what to do. Acting was all what we knew and did organically. I guess it’s in my DNA. Roll camera was like ‘suprabhat’ and ‘cut camera’ was like Shubhratri to me. I never analysed all this too much. I believed in walking the walk. It’s only later when people spoke about the vastraharan scene and the undercurrents and bond between me and my brother in law, played by Anant Nag. All that I recall is just doing the scene. I never understood any subtext.
Like I told you earlier, I’ve just sleepwalked through most of my movies those days. I’m grateful to my all directors who just let me be and let me do my own thing when it came to my interpretation of the roles, costumes or anything for that matter. It’s as if I had a pichle janam ka rishta with all my directors, which is why perhaps they instinctively knew what to expect from me and what I delivered for them. It was an unspoken faith and love – like I said, be it with Prakash Mehra, Raj Khosla, Vijay Anand, Manmohan Desai, Hrishi da, Muzaffar Ali or Gulzar bhai.
I remember Shyam babu had a beatific smile on his face when we got the shot right. It was as if to tell us gently that had we nailed our character. I didn’t know any technique or method acting. Jo bola karneko, dialogue bol diya.
See Also: Obituary: Remembering Shyam Benegal
I remember sitting on the swing in the garden. Urmila (Matondkar) who played my son l, would come and sit on my lap after every shot and ask me a million questions. I remember Smita Patil dropping by to meet Raj Babbar. Also, the wonderful Dina Pathak and Rima Lagoo felt like family to me. All the memories are so vivid and fresh. When I saw Kalyug years later, I was like, ‘yeh performance toh bahut intense ho gaya baba’. A lot of my fans loved me in films like Kalyug and Vijeta (1982) despite the length of the role. None of that ever mattered to me. Govind Nihalani, who was cinematographer of Kalyug, later directed me in Vijeta. I could definitely see that Govind ji had imbibed a lot from Shyam babu.
Years later Shyam babu offered me Zubeidaa (2001). It wasn’t a lead role, but I couldn’t say no to him because of the warmth and respect. In retrospect, I don’t think there was any conscious preparation, but I was perhaps subconsciously channelling Rajmata Gayatri Devi, who I had met many years ago during the shoot of Ganga Ki Saugandh (1978). On that shoot, she took an instant liking to me and invited me to her quaint little cottage on the lawns of Rambaugh palace. It was done up exquisitely regal but elegantly and so subtle. I still remember the whiff of her perfume. It was her very essence. Perfume smells very different when sprayed on Malmal and when sprayed on chiffon. My mother sprayed it on her mulmul. The queen’s perfume had a different exotic whiff when sprayed on her chiffons.
Rajmata also took me to ‘moti dongri’ a beautiful stunning fort which housed a haveli on top of the hill. The Maharaja had gifted it to her as a token of his love one day, when they had gone horse riding. It was beautifully done up with European architecture and art decor interiors, Venetian cut glass mirrors besides lovely pictures of the royal couple in silver frames.
See Also: AR Rahman on Shyam Benegal: Some people are able to take art a notch higher
Coming back to Zubeidaa, I’m grateful that Shyam babu allowed me to “just be”. Because that according to me is the greatest gift a director can give to an actor — to bring out the very essence of the character and inspire the actor. I recall the scene at the airstrip where Karishma pushes me away from Manoj (Bajpayee). Manoj ji later told me he was mesmerised by the reaction in my eyes when he saw the scene on monitor. I recall some people on the sets like they had on the Umrao Jaan (1981) sets saying she’s doing it all wrong, this isn’t how a queen behaves or talks. And Shyam babu would gently hush them and say “Shhh… wait for the magic to happen.” Shyam babu was also happy that I had got the Rajasthani dialect in the election campaigning scene right. Like I said, not too many retakes or taam jhaam, plus it was sync sound, which kept me on my toes.
When your loved ones depart, zahir hai ek khalal (vaccum) si hoti hai, but they still live within us in some way or the other. This thought came to me like an epiphany me during Covid. I recall, when my mother died. I hadn’t shed a single tear. Don’t ask me why. I don’t know. Maybe I was in deep shock. But years later during Covid, I was affected and struck by her death and broke down completely in my room. The tears just wouldn’t stop. I composed myself and that’s when a thought came to me — my mother was and is in me, I’m a product of her being. She’s my creative force, my muse. So, I put aside all the negative thoughts and insecurities and continued to nurture her energy within me. Suddenly the pain just melted away. She’s my creative force. As long as she’s in me, I’ll continue to flower and bloom. As long as she’s in me, I shall continue to nurture and love and bloom in my creativity.
Similarly with Shyam babu, he continues to be within all of us, who had the good fortune of interacting with him — his creative force forms a connection between Shabana ji, Shashi ji and everyone who he has worked. What an honour it has been. We all have that unmistakeable Benegal kinship between us.
See Also: Best Movies of Shyam Benegal: Ankur, Manthan Zubeidaa and More
I’ve never understood these distinctions between art and commercial cinema. For example, an artiste can paint on charcoal and at the same time he can paint on a canvass with oil colours and a painting brush. The idea is to create, right? So why this comparison in art? Mujhe yeh sab maiyne nahi rakhte. Creation is creation. And Shyam babu was a creator. And through HIM as a creator, we actors were and are privileged to find our validation and strength…eternally indebted and grateful Shyam babu.