The Bundesliga have honoured Harry Kane’s arrival at Bayern Munich with an eccentric cartoon rock song – and a South Park-style Kane acts as the frontman.
In a video over 90 seconds long, we see the 30-year-old trying to become a fashionista, labelling himself the English Tom Brady, and riding Thomas Muller’s horse, Dave.
Kane has officially completed his £100million move from Spurs to Bayern and joins the Bavarian giants in a hunt for trophies – though they lost the German Super Cup 3-0 to RB Leipzig in his first outing.
The Bundesliga’s bizarre welcoming video references the fact Kane has never won a trophy, and while he may be signing up for silverware and Oktoberfest, he probably didn’t realise the cringe the cringe-fest that would follow his arrival.
It is, perhaps, the most unusual video made about Kane in his entire life.
The Bundesliga released a bizarre cartoon tribute to Harry Kane after he joined Bayern Munich
Various characters pop up throughout the ditty, most notably Kane, Thomas Tuchel, and Thomas Muller, though Prince William, other Bayern stars, and Kane the wrestler also feature.
To start with, a very gruff-sounding Kane introduces himself, announcing, ‘Harry Kane signs for Bayern Munich’.
The England international then jumps around the dressing room with his team-mates and manager Tuchel, singing the chorus. For some reason, Tuchel has acquired an American accent.
He is spotted at a pub with some of his team-mates, but while they down the beer, he tucks into some tea – much to the horror of his new friends.
Kane enjoys tea at a pub while his team-mates get a large head start on Oktoberfest
In the video, the 30-year-old is obsessed with an England flat outfit and asks if he can wear it
Tributes are then paid to his hometown of Chingford, his 14 years at Spurs, receiving an MBE from Prince William, and his scoring record at Spurs.
In the video, Kane is obsessed with an English flag-themed suit, but his team-mates strongly rebutt his eagerness to wear it.
Then we advance into one of the more bizarre periods of the song, with Muller pinned down by WWE wrestler Kane and getting confused between the two.
Bayern’s new man then punts an American football downfield and labels himself the ‘English [Tom] Brady’ before we launch into another agonising chorus – but there’s no respite from the bizarre there, for we proceed to find Harry Kane on the back of Muller’s horse, Dave.
In a swipe at Spurs fans, a pained Kane bemoans how he has never won a trophy, but Muller promises him ‘that’s about to change’ as they find themselves by four trophies.
The striker says #EnglishBrady before kicking an American football in a cringy part of the clip
Thomas Muller promises Kane that he is going to win lots of trophies at Bayern – though the German Super Cup, second from left, is not attainable this year as they lost 3-0 to Leipzig
Thomas Tuchel trials Kane on some major skills – and he passes with flying colours
Muller gestures to the Bundesliga, Champions League, DFB-Pokal and German Super Cup trophies under a banner saying ‘The Quadruple 23/24’ – a pompous and rather misguided boast given that Bayern lost the Super Cup on Saturday.
In the final stretch of the video, Kane is put through boot camp as Tuchel tests him on various skills: headers, volleys, free-kicks, penalties, and through balls. As he smashes each test, the striker feels the need to blurt out his own name.
Once more he clarifies that he is not Kane the wrestler, and once more he is told, to much irritation, that he cannot wear his ludicrous England flag suit as the video comes to a merciful end.
Many, one fears, will play it again and again.
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